why i do this

what was wrong with lia? why did I not pursue her more aggressively? why did she not pursue me more aggressively? is it possible to feel that animal, stupid teenage love again where you just need that person and you want nothing but them? have i ever felt it or am i just conflating my experience with something i’ve seen on television? what am i saying?

i just want something to read later. i wish it was good. i hate my writing right now. i write about writing more than any writer and i hate everything i write. you’d think that means i should stop, but I think that means i should keep going. keep digging deeper until there is nothing left to be dug and every mundane thought i have ever had is preserved on this laptop for all of eternity, for no one ever to read. not that i would want them to read it anyway, because then they might know me and i can’t have that, even in death.