being good at it

Every Man Doing Stand Up: 

I’m so bad at sex! I cum in like 2 minutes! Duh Doy! Aren’t men terrible? Haha please clap. 

Every Woman Doing Stand Up: 

Men are so bad at sex! The clitorus is right here you doofus! Stupid idiots. Ladies, lets just fuck each other, am I right? Haha please clap. 

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My problem is that I’m actually quite proficient and artful with it, as far as I can tell, but you can’t say that out loud because then you’re a dick and everyone hates you. 

I have volumes of literature in the drafts. I have seen too many women scream and convulse to believe that I can’t fuck or that women don’t want to be dominated by straight dudes. 

But that’s not funny. Here’s what might be funny: 

I’m good at it because I do it a lot and pay attention to what works and what doesn’t. Scientific method. 

Also I use viagra. Why? Because I play to win. It’s like using the big metal slide in bowling. You can’t fuck it up.