That Power

That long, vulnerable adolescent monologue at the end of “That Power” by Donald Glover speaks so directly to me — it’s like he ripped it straight from my inarticulate young heart. 

I’ve always loved a good confession. It’s like, I want this girl to know that I like her but I don’t want to deal with the consequences of her knowing it. My ego can’t take it. I just want to “go nuclear” and disappear. 

I thought about what I would say to Sarah Su almost every day on the bus after school. We had known each other for almost a year since I transferred in for 6th grade, and for some reason we were friends. She was shy, I was shy. I don’t know. We talked a lot on Facebook and a little in real life. 

I never fantasized about touching her. Only the abstract, innocent form of love you might find in a Disney Channel Original Movie. On April Fools, I messaged her asking her to be my girlfriend. I then retracted my statement — as it was April 1st, 2010. Little did I know I would be moving to Hawaii in 2 short months. The joke was on me.

The joke continued to be on me when I visited my unrelated friend in Boston in 2021, which is where Sarah happened to be going to school at the time. I invited her on a little day trip — after no communication for several years — and to my surprise, she obliged. 

For some reason I thought she’d grow out of her shyness like I had. For some reason I thought that we might have something in common and that she would still be attracted to me as an adult. She might have been, but I didn’t read it. I don’t think I was expecting her to be so pretty still. Though her posture was terrible, especially for someone studying Physical Therapy.