Noble Silence

On the 10th day of the retreat, the “noble silence” is lifted, and we can speak words to the people we’ve been sitting with for the past 10 days, and immediately all the men are best friends, smiling and laughing and chumming it up as groups of 3 or 4 materialize before my eyes. I round the room's perimeter sipping tea.

It’s the first day of school all over again. A few crucial minutes have passed and I am now an outcast. I have outcasted myself and I will likely continue to outcast myself throughout my entire life. I see conversations with temporary strangers as a game not worth playing. I can't help but think to the end of them before they begin. So I continue on in noble silence.